commandertoolbelt | Recollé ✦ Inbox

Because every perfectionist is actually prone to making mistakes, and while I don't care to air my laundry list, I don't think I need to convince you that it's extensive.

[The unsaid, but fairly clear (Baren thinks): I'd be surprised if you could name a mistake I haven't made.

Right? There's no delusions there. Baren's kind of an asshole, and he doesn't really care about that. Those often aren't where his mistakes lie, though. They often lie in his good intentions, in his clumsy way of handling things.]

It's why I can say with confidence that as long as you don't have your stuff figured out internally, the people around you are going to worry. Because relationships between people are messy. Well-intentioned, but messy.

[ "Extensive" though his laundry list might be, Leo has a hard time believing that murder would be on it. But he's not going to tell Baren that. It's not something Leo wants to be public knowledge, and no matter what promises Baren makes about not telling Futaba or anyone else, he doesn't trust him with that kind of information. ]

No shit, Sherlock. It it were that easy, I wouldn't have gotten us into this mess in the first place.

[ He's not stupid. Or- well, he is, but at least he knows what his mistakes are. Leo's never really been that great at understanding other people, anyway. Futaba is different, but he'd let his fear control him when he'd pushed her away. All he can do now is hope she understands when he tries to explain that to her.

He wonders, though, if there's a way to salvage this conversation and steer it back into more comfortable territory. Normally, this is where he'd bail, but Baren seems intent on making this happen one way or another, so he’ll have to settle for a noncommittal wave. ]

There’s not much I can do about it, anyway.

[ Nothing except talk to her, and let Futaba knows exactly what happens. All he can promise is try not to let something like the his mother’s death happen again, and he’s already resolved to that. ]

... Mistakes happen.

[Obviously - but he says it ever so slightly softer, with a furrow of his brow. Mistakes happen. Forgive yourself a little. You're young.

It's everything that he's said already, and he'll repeat it once more before dropping it.]

All you can do is move forward. You're already gonna talk to her and - [it's a little harder to push these words past his lips, given the outright care that's in them but he barely manages] - I hope it goes well.

[ . . . yeah.

he really does.]

[ Whatever, Leo thinks, rolling his eyes. It’s advice he’s heard a thousand times before, and frankly, he’s sick of it. It’s not wrong, though. At least the mistakes he’s made in this life - so far - can’t compete with the last. Where there’s no way Leo could’ve fixed that one, he can at least try with Futaba. ]

That’s up to her.

[ If it were anyone else, he might offer them an awkward thanks for at least trying to talk to him about this. Finding the courage to face Futaba has been a monumental task that has only become harder with every related memory he’s received. But he’s not going to fool himself into thinking Baren actually cares about him. This is about Futaba - which is fine, because Leo wouldn’t care about him in this situation, either, but there’s no point in pretending otherwise. And after Baren stepped on that particular landmine, he’s hard-pressed to feel grateful about much of anything at the moment, even if this conversation does make him wish he could just find Futaba right now and get it over with already. ]

Is that all?

... ah.

[A nod of his head - because he thinks that's all. Some information still sits uncomfortably with him - the bits and pieces that he was able to pick up and piece together. What he thinks happened. What he thinks Leo might be afraid of. But he can recognize when he's already managed to learn too much, if he's able to put a theory together.

So Baren just reaches up to rub his neck a moment later. The only tell that he might've been made uncomfortable by all this too. A sigh.]

Good luck. Hopefully you won't need it.

[ - and a wave of his hand before he moves to walk away, tanuki on his shoulder as he goes.]

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I THOUGHT I RESPONDED TO THIS I'M SORRY RAY