seasonality ✦ caleb

[commandertoolbelt]

Comments

[katzepaw]

[There's a little spike of grief and anger there, but.]

I did want to kill the person who did that to him. But there's a difference between what I want and what I think is justice. I don't believe vengeance is justice. Used to, but not for a while now.

Anyway, Caiman is dead, and I don't feel happy about it, or satisfied.

[commandertoolbelt]

[ ...after a moment, leo nods. ]

Right. Yeah. Um... Sorry to bring that up, I know it's... not easy.

[katzepaw]

It's alright.

[It's upsetting, but he doesn't seem angered or bothered by it being brought up.]

I don't mind talking about this. But why are you asking?

[commandertoolbelt]

On Thursday, part of our whole field trip was a test of chivalry for each of us. That's what mine was about - a life for a life.

[ with a wince, he admits: ] They might have mentioned Molly.

[katzepaw]

[Anger again, but not at Leo. At these stupid field trips.]

Whether you would take one?

[commandertoolbelt]

Kind of. It was like - whether I felt that way, or if I could stop someone else from doing it, when it could mean destruction? Something about... acknowledging when we've made mistakes, and moving on instead of holding onto the resentment of it, I guess.

[katzepaw]

Mm. Well. . . that isn't so bad. Though I don't, uhm, think I would care to hear any lectures from these places that also harm us and use our loved ones against us.

[commandertoolbelt]

[ rolls his eyes ]

Especially when they start out by trying to kill you.

[katzepaw]

That seems unusual for one of these, that it purported to be trying to teach you something.

[commandertoolbelt]

[ there's just bitterness. ]

Well, you know. It was a test. We were supposed to figure it out on our own. The stupid saint didn't even warn us what it would be.

[katzepaw]

Well, fuck people who torture you and then tell you it's for your own good. Let that be the lesson instead of whatever that was.

[commandertoolbelt]

[ that pulls a surprised laugh out of him ]

...Yeah. Yeah, fuck that. I mean - I think part of it made sense, but they really didn’t have to do it like that. And I still don’t know why it had to be you, either.

[katzepaw]

[Well, it doesn't seem to surprise him that it was him; it doesn't seem like Leo would have asked him all of those questions if it was someone else. It is a little sweet, though.]

. . . Yeah, I wouldn't try to tell you to trade lives for lives? Or whatever it is I did. You're doing okay how you are?

[commandertoolbelt]

And I very much appreciate that, because I would have had to tell you to fuck off if you did. I don’t think it’s wrong to try to get some payback, or whatever, but… not when it means more people have to die.